Knocking boots and baby booties
Once you've had a baby, it’s safe to say, you never quite feel the same again.
Your body has now been used to create and house a beautiful baby but it has also endured serious damage and trauma and with many of us seeing a lot of physical changes, it can often be hard to deal with emotionally, and sometimes upsetting to accept the difference in our bodies, post-baby.
With this in mind, plus dealing with a brand new little person in the household and endless sleepless nights, it’s no wonder that having a bit of nooky is the last thing on most Mum's minds after baby has arrived!
Depending on how your pregnancy has gone, you might have had an even longer break from it than ever before, as many women (and men) find the thought of doing the deed, when pregnant, a bit strange (although I can assure you it’s perfectly normal and natural to continue to have a happy, healthy sex life, throughout your pregnancy!) so its understandable you might feel anxious about reigniting your sex life. There are a few things you can do to help you not only feel physically ready for sex as well as emotionally.
PELVIC FLOOR MUSCLES ARE AN ORGASMS BEST FRIEND! Sex after having a baby, is a BIG deal. You are now parents, you have MUCH busier schedules, and Mum has a whole host of potential body/ confidence issues, crazy post-pregnancy hormone changes and pregnancy-related physical changes and trauma to those nether regions and that all important pelvic floor area too!
Before you even begin to think about IT, it’s far more important to think about your pelvic floor muscle and the trauma that having a baby causes to this area. Whether you delivered your baby naturally or via Cesarean section, your pelvic floor muscles WILL have been affected so it is ESSENTIAL that you work on those muscles. Kegel exercises are for LIFE, not just for Christmas! Strengthening the pelvic floor will help you in many, many ways, especially with any dysfunction you may have been left with after baby- incontinence, hip or pelvic pain, prolapse amongst many other dysfunctions, BUT it also helps increase sensation during sex for both you and your partner AND gives you better orgasms... So, the stronger the pelvic floor, the better the sex.
You may have had some form of intervention during labour which makes you more anxious about getting back in the saddle such as an episiotomy or a c-section and whilst it is important to give your body time to heal under normal circumstances any stitches or tissue damage should be recovered after just a couple of weeks. In most cases by the time your head is ready for sex your body is more than ready but take the time feel your body and get used to the changes. Masturbation is not just for horny teenage boys and is a really good way to help you feel ready for intercourse with your partner.
YOUR PARTNER FANCIES THE PANTS OFF YOU - FACT!
It's really easy to look at your new body and see all the changes post pregnancy and not recognise or love what you see but you are a goddess. An actual bonafide, life giving goddess and believe me that's what your partner sees when they look at you. Accept the compliments and try and see yourself through their eyes, as the sexy legend that you are.
CONNECT WITH YOUR PARTNER OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM.
One of the best tips I can give you is that as new parents (or any parents tbh!), you need to make time for YOU as a couple.
It might not look like it did before, but spending quality time together can be achieved, even if it’s during nap time!
Put those phones away, sit at the dinner table and put on some relaxing (or romantic) music.
Make a date night, if you can, even if it’s just in your house- light some candles and reminisce about all the wonderful times you’ve had- and all those to come, now as a lovely new family.
BRING THE SEXY BACK!
Sex starts with how you feel on the inside and often how you feel on the inside is linked to how you feel on the outside so take the time to make yourself feel sexy again.
Take the time to make YOU feel good by asking your partner to watch the little one whilst you have a long shower, perhaps paint your nails, pop on some lippy or wax those pins.
It’s so important for you to take some me-time alongside the us-time, to allow yourself to feel a bit more ‘human’ and more in touch with the person you were BEFORE you became a Mum - that fierce, sexual and alluring mama that Usher called a ‘Lady in the street and a freak in the bed!’ - and if you’ve never felt like that- there’s no time like the present.
TRY NEW THINGS!
Just because you’re parents, doesn’t mean things have to get stale... in fact, it’s even more important now that ever to keep things spicy between you to strengthen your bond as parents!
Surprise your partner - go on, do a bit of midnight Ann Summers shopping spree or just get creative... remember that hot fancy dress outfit you wore for a hen party many moons ago... get it out and get it on! Treat yourself to a new toy perhaps, sex toys are perfectly safe during and after pregnancy and with Boots even launching their own brand you're sure to find something that gives you a buzz (pun totally intended).
TRY OLD THINGS!
Sex isn't just about intercourse and a great way to ease back into sex is to focus on some of the smaller intimate experiences before you go all the way. Oral sex or sexual stimulus with your hands can be as satisfying as intercourse and a great way to get to know your partner in the biblical sense again. It's also important to remember that what you liked before may not be what you like now so don't be afraid to give your partner a little direction. Why not ask your partner for a back rub with some sensual oils, not only will you feel sexy but it will help with those postnatal aches and pains.
No matter what you do, or when you do it, just remember to let go of any pressure, take time to come to terms and accept that new, beautiful, baby-making body of yours, enjoy quality time to re-connect with your partner and don’t be afraid to go even wilder than before - you have just BIRTHED A BABY, you are fabulous, magnificent and a goddamn warrior, you can do ANYTHING.
Happy love-making, ladies!