MY KIDS ARE MY WORLD
Wow... how many times have you seen this on social media?! How about.... ‘my everything’ or hashtag blessed?!!!!
Now, I’m not a judgey judgey mum... ok I am.... well we all are aren’t we, let’s be bloody frank. But genuinely, if you think your kids are your world, then that’s great, honestly, I am happy for you. But for me...
MY KIDS ARE NOT MY WORLD...
There I said, they aren’t. But before you judge me, listen up...
A few years ago I was so wrapped up in being a mum, that I neglected everything else around me. I neglected my house, my hobbies, my husband, my friends but most importantly, I neglected ME.
I was so damn concerned with being the best mum and felt so much goddamn pressure to ‘be’ a certain way, ‘act’ a certain way and live my life, as a mum, a certain way that I forgot why I even wanted to be a mum in the first place. I was too busy being concerned, to enjoy the ride.
I threw myself into motherhood as I throw myself into everything, wanting to be the best of the best. My commitment to giving my children the best start to life became my all-consuming goal and in order to achieve this to the fullest I let go of everything else that, I felt, held me back. Meeting up with friends. Having date nights with my husband. Even having baths... (I shower, don’t panic, I don’t smell...).
I didn’t need to do what I used to do, I had children now. I wanted them to have the best of everything. Especially things I didn’t have growing up. I wanted them to feel smothered with love and affection and to never feel sad or lonely or scared. I wanted them to have the best memories and go on the best holidays and yes, I wanted to wrap them in cotton wool.
The problem is, in making everything ‘perfect’ for my children I had made everything completely ‘un-perfect’ for me (its ok, I know it’s not a word). Because I had forgotten everything about me that made me, me. There was no me, only my children. And yes, they were my world.
I forgot I used to be funny... I forgot I used to be loud... I forgot I used to be fearless... I forgot I used to be spontaneous... I forgot I used to be sexy... (in my head, at least!). I had just forgotten everything it took to be me and had just become someone’s mummy.
So last year, I made a conscious decision to be ‘me’ again. To enjoy motherhood and everything it throws at you, but to enjoy ‘non-motherhood’ as well. You know... those times when you’re not a mum, at least for the present. When you’re out at the pub with your girl gang or lying in bed with your husband. When you’re meeting new people or when you’re going for a walk on your own in the sunshine. Or even when you’re just on Facebook. Because you can post pictures of things other than your kids, you know!
I’ve rediscovered things I forgot I loved to do, and my god, I’m bloody enjoying them. Even more than I did before! I’m making time for me and all the other things I have and want in my world.
Of course, my kids are a HUGE part of my world... but no, they’re not my world... my world is filled with texture and fun and colour and smells and passion and taste and excitement!
I love my world and I loved it before having kids and I will love it afterwards and by doing so, I will teach my kids to create their own world, filled with everything they love.
Never think you are being selfish as a mum by doing things that make YOU happy, because if you’re happy, so are your children.
Find your happy.
Find your world.
Debbie Gliniany is a mum of two and OneFitMama regional instructor for Cardiff and Newport